My brother is many things: a certified bartender, a video gamer, and a geek.
He’s also pretty funny, especially with his Facebook statuses. I like to think they are mostly his original creations but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s pulling a quote from something. I just love reading his updates on my Facebook news feed- they are like nuggets of gold. Here are a few recent ones:
“When people tell me that they don’t have a facebook. Its like saying ‘I don’t own a TV’.”
“I honestly don’t know what it is, but there’s something about sitting down at my desk and working that makes me want to get up and walk around.”
“Sometimes I yawn in front of others just so I can make them yawn too. I think Its the only form of mind control I will ever have.”
“The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.”
“After working from home today I realized I have gotten a lot of stuff done. This has led me to the conclusion that pants indeed limit productivity.”
“Why can’t it be socially acceptable to army crawl out of awkward situations?”
“I like to remember that I was raised on the street….. not the Ghetto but the Sesame.”
” ‘I like to watch people’ Translation: ‘I like to judge others’ ”
“I dread the day when I need to explain to my kids what Jersey Shore was.”
“With great Awesomeness comes great responsibility to be Awesome.”
“Is there any place in his room that a man can keep his moisturizer without looking like a creepy pervert?”
“So it’s illegal for me to talk on my phone or text while I’m driving, but the host from Cash Cab can run a game show while driving around New York City?”
“Today seems like a suspenders type of day.”
I love my bro. He’s hilarious. Why can’t I be funny like him?